In this Abide blog series, we discuss the impact of having an absent father. Read part one of this series here. For part two of this blog series, we'll discuss how young girls are affected by not having a father in their lives. Not having a father can impact how a girl child receives and gives loves.
It's important that we continue to open this conversation. Though it's hard for many, I am so thankful for each one of you joining in this journey of healing together.
We Long For A Father
"Fathers, be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do..." -John Mayer.
I fell in love with this song when I first heard it. I understood it. It still speaks to me.
Yes, how our earthly father’s love us. This affects how we love and receive love.
What It Feels Like To Not Have A Father
It can be hard. Having an absent father can cause so much shame and pain. What can be the result? Always living one with a deep sense of abandonment.
For me, it affected how open I was when it came to love. How I dealt with people socially. I became defensive and jaded. I had a hard time with trust. I went through this long period of time thinking that I could never be fully, truly, and unconditionally loved. Unknowingly I withheld love from others and had a hard time receiving love from other people as well. I am so thankful that I met Jesus.
How Jesus Changed Me
Jesus opened up my heart and made me realize that I needed to heal. He showed me how I had become closed in. I didn’t have joy. No matter how much others tried to reach out and love me, I just couldn't trust that they were here to stay.
So I had to be honest.
Honest that I needed God to feel that void. Honest that only God would heal me. Honest that He had to complete me first before I opened up my heart to anyone.
So, What Happens When We Are Not Honest?
We become good at putting on masks.
Naturally you build a wall. You hide behind the pain and confusion that comes with abandonment.
Also, you carry responsibilities that are not your own. When you are young and your father is absent, you feel like it's your duty guard your heart. Questions flow through your mind that lead to doubt and even self-harm. You ask yourself
"If I'm not good enough to be accepted by my own blood, how could someone else accept me?"
For decades it's like the war never ends.
If we are not honest, we won't heal. And if we don't heal, we end up birthing seeds that don't produce good fruit, such as the following:
- Suicidal thoughts
- Battles with depression and anxiety
- Trust issues with others
- Holding back from encountering true love
- We hurt others. As I mention in the previous blog "Hurt people hurt others."
The Good News Is...
It can all end with you. God can truly give you so much peace and make you whole.
These are some of my favorite bible scriptures that have spoken and still speaks life into my dry seasons when needed. I pray they speak to you too.
"Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be moved."-Psalm 55:22
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who re crushed in spirit."-Psalm 34:18
"You are my lamp O LORD; the Lord turns my darkness into light."-2 Samuel 22:29
"I will lie down in peace and sleep, for though I am alone, Oh Lord you will keep me safe." -Psalm 4:8
"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."-Colossians 3:14
Pray This Prayer With Me:
As you listen, I pray that you will truly know that God's love really put's it all together. Earth has no sorrow heaven can't mend.
Yes to being honest. Yes to healing.
Hugging you with prayers and love.
In Jesus Name, Amen.